The Lighthouse In The Storm: Supporting Loved Ones With Mental Illness
By Ananya Batra
When someone we love is battling a mental illness, it can feel like they’re being tossed about in a turbulent sea of emotions, irrational thoughts, and overwhelming challenges. As friends and family members, we naturally want to be a steady lighthouse for them – a beacon of hope that can guide them through the storm.
But supporting a loved one with mental illness isn’t always straightforward. Their symptoms can be difficult to understand, and trying to help someone who is suffering can stir up feelings of helplessness, frustration, and even grief within ourselves. The fear of saying or doing something that may worsen the situation may start consuming our decisions and send us deeper into the spiral of powerlessness.
While there isn’t a magical solution that will make it all easier, with the right mindset, knowledge, and tools, we can learn to navigate these rough waters more skillfully and provide a lifeline of support for our loved ones when they need it most.
Understanding The Waves
The first step is attempting to understand what our loved one is going through, as much as possible, without actually experiencing it. Mental illnesses like depression and mood disorders, anxiety disorders, ADHD, and so many others impact the way people experience reality and their perception of the world can be alarming and confusing to those of us who cannot relate to their experiences..
Brain imaging studies show that mental illnesses involve disruptions in the neural circuits governing mood, perception, and cognitive processes. It’s almost as if there is an imbalance or dysregulation in the control tower, leading to overwhelming feelings, irrational fearful thoughts, and impaired decision-making that manifests in self-destructive behaviors.
This gulf in understanding is one reason why supporting someone with mental illness can feel so fraught. Even as we aim to be empathetic lighthouses for our loved ones, their inner experience may be entirely different from what we imagine.
The Dual Mind-Body Lifeline
So how can we throw them a lifeline to pull them back to calmer waters? The answer lies in a multi-pronged mind-body approach of both emotional support and promoting healthy lifestyle practices:
The Psychological Life Raft:
- Listen without judgment and validate their experience as real, not “just in their head”
- Offer reassurance and information to counter irrational anxious thoughts
- Encourage professional counseling/therapy as needed to process emotions
- Be patient and avoid dismissive statements like “snap out of it” or “it’s not that bad”
The Lifestyle Lifeline:
- Support efforts to exercise, eat well, get quality sleep – all proven mood boosters
- Promote relaxing activities like yoga, mindfulness, and spending time in nature
- Help them avoid unhealthy coping like alcohol/drugs, social withdrawal, etc.
- Make sure they follow up with doctor for any medication needs
At times, this dual approach of compassionate listening and practical lifestyle support may be the only lifeline keeping our loved ones afloat in the stormy seas of mental illness. When we adhere to it patiently and persistently, we become a grounding force of stability in their lives.
This lifeline is a two-way street, however – we must be careful that our own mental health doesn’t get pulled under in the process.
Steadying Our Own Ship
The cold truth is that supporting someone battling a chronic mental illness can take a major emotional toll on caretakers as well. We may experience anxiety, sadness, resentment, or pessimism as we struggle with the situation.
That’s why it’s absolutely vital, for our sake and our loved one’s, to prioritize our own self-care and mental health as well. We must steady our own ship, so that we have the fortitude to be a reliable lighthouse.
Staying strong means taking breaks when we need them, leaning on our other friendships, practicing stress-relieving activities like exercise, and considering counseling to process difficult feelings. Fighting the stigma of mental illness in our own minds also allows us to respond with more compassion.
When we take care of ourselves, we’re in a better position to take care of our loved one. And really, what they often need most is our unwavering, non-judgemental presence – to feel they have a loved one truly on their side, even if just quietly bobbing on the periphery of the storm.
The Guiding Light
No one said being a lighthouse for someone suffering from mental illness would be easy. The winds will howl, the rain will falter you, and there may be times you worry whether you’re actually helping or not. Ride out those doubts – simply being present in your loved one’s life is giving them something to orient toward.
Because when their inner sea grows calm once more, there you’ll be – a stalwart beacon, showing them the way back to clearer thinking and brighter days. Having traveled through their own storm, they’ll appreciate the light you provided more than you know.
